Better As a Mom

(A tiny Max at about a week old..)

 

Motherhood has changed me and nearly every facet of my life.  Sure, I have a lot less free time, way less money, and significantly less hair (hello post birth hair loss).  I still like to gossip with friends and I'm not going to be winning any awards for my house keeping skills any time soon. But on the flip side...it has also shaped me into a better person than I ever was. Being a mom and all the responsibilities that come with it, has made me realize who I want to raise my son to be, and who I must be to do that. 

 

I used to watch a lot of TV...it's kind of embarrassing to admit how much.  If I stayed home sick from work, I’d watch TV nonstop for hours on end. On regular days, the first thing I’d do when I got home from work was turn on the TV. I have watched every season of the Gilmore Girls from start to finish more times than I can count. Since Max came along, I try to limit my TV.  I still have my regular shows (Parenthood, Mindy Project, and Scandal)...but I don't want Max to grow up watching it - so we stopped turning it on.  Overall he's never seen much of the TV (minus Dan Patrick when Grandpa Tim is around)...and that makes me happy. 

 

Since Max started eating more solid foods our grocery bill has gone up A LOT. And you know what - I'm totally okay with that.  I want him to love lots of different foods!  And I'm willing to try and learn how to cook them for him...in the last two months I have diced sweet potatoes, roasted a squash, bought loads of hummus, grilled asparaus, and recently purchased an acorn squash, zuchinni, and yellow squash. The old Carrie was stuck in a food rut.  New mom Carrie is not afraid to Pinterest loads of new recipes for her eager high chair audience.  It's the best feeling when I know he's eating healthy (even organic sometimes!) and that I cooked all of it!

 

I try not to be judgmental (emphasis on try). This one is tough because being a mother means making lots of decisions that greatly impact an innocent life. And sometimes we feel the need to judge others’ decisions as a way to defend our own, especially if people make different decisions than we do. But honestly, I know there is no perfect way to be "good" mom. We are all just doing our best.  Sometimes another mom's "best" looks different than my own (i.e. breastfeeding, homeschooling etc.) and that's okay.

 

I can actually make decisions. This might be shocking to some (read - Auntie Stacy) because honestly I used to waver on almost every decision.  Shopping with me was a nightmare.  I would say "no I don't need that" and then change my mind hours later or even weeks later and end up ordering it online. But, a lot of times, Max needs me to be on my toes and on top of my game. Therefore I try not to waffle to much.  Case in point - normally when I don't feel good, I take weeks to decide whether to go to the doctor.  When Max was still sick on Saturday, I called up the doctor and made an appointment. And again tonight, when I still felt like things weren't getting better.

 

I go easy on myself and my to do list.  When a very good friend came to visit me in the hospital, they reminded me that I needed to take care of myself first and then Max.  (And that it was okay to ask for help...but that's a whole other post). At first I didn't get - I mean Max was a newborn...I could let a few things go to take care of him, right? Well yes, but honestly, the better I take care of myself, the better off Max is. So - I go to bed early, schedule regular hair cuts, sometimes I don't put my laundry away for a whole week (what?!), and I don't beat myself up if every item on my to do list isn't crossed off. Everyone in my family is better off for this.

 

I leave work on time. I used to stick around to listen to all the gossip and catch up with everyone. But...now the precious hours between 5:30 and 7:30 are sacred.  There is no better feeling than rolling through the door to see my two handsome men waiting for me!  There is nothing so pressing at work that I would miss out on banging on drums with Max, watching him toss his sippy cup on the floor 1032 times, splash around in the bath, or being part of his bedtime routine.

 

Of course, I’m not perfect. There are still lots of things I need to work on, like making time for working out, avoiding fast food, taking better care of our home, etc. Still, I can feel that something inside me has shifted and I couldn’t be happier about it.

 

(Mama and Max at 10 month)

xoXO