Working Mama

Dear Max,

Today has nearly come to a close - the house is quiet - the toys are picked up.  I'm listening to the sound of your breathing on the monitor and daddy is alseep upstairs.  Tomorrow is a big day for us.  My maternity leave is over and I will head back to the Zoo and into the classroom. Today, I tried to be really present with you all day long - to soak in you at (almost) eleven weeks.  Some days I turn the tv on during your feedings or catch up on instagram while you nap.  But, today I put a lot of my normal "busy-ness" aside to focus on you.  Your smiles, your squeals, your breathing, your head craning to see me on the changing table, your pride as you held your head up during tummy time, and your joy at seeing daddy coming through the door at 3:45. 

I never want you to question if I love work more than you Max.  It will feel surreal to leave you behind tomorrow.  But, if I'm honest, it will also be a bit of a relief to relax into the normalcy that work brings too.  I crave adult conversations and my work friends.  Some people work to earn a living and some people are lucky to get paid to do what they love.  I'm lucky that I'm sort of doing both.  I knew I wanted to be in environmental education very early on.  My parents fostered a love of the outdoors and I still get excited to share that wonder with the preschoolers in my classroom.  It makes me proud when my students make a connection between animals and conservation.  When you become an adult Max, I would never want you to sacrifice what you love for the people you love - no matter how much money you make. 

But, back to the matter at hand.  There are many reasons moms work and they might not always be what you think.  These are mine.

I work because I like my students and I love animals.  Because interacting with them, makes me happy and that in turn bleeds over into other areas, including how patient I am with you and the fun activities I will plan for us!

Because some day, you may want to play lacrosse.  Or, soccer.  Maybe even want guitar lessons - and those cost money.  Because this house and the things you need cost money and are made possible by two incomes.

Because I want our little family of three to be able to travel - not just to see your grandparents but all over the country. 

Because I know that being away from me will encourage you to become your own person.  Make new friends.  Develop your own skills without mommy hovering over you. And also, opening your eyes and heart to loving other people. 

Because I want you to be proud of me.

So, I love you Max.  If I had to choose, I would choose you - over and over again.  But, I'm glad I can also provide for you and give you the wonderful life you deserve. 

Love you forever,
Mama