My Mama Heart

I doubt very much that I'm the only one who uses the term "mama heart" - but lately, it's all I've been thinking about (well, that and when did Max last eat?).  For those whom it's been a while since you took anatomy - the heart is a vital organ found in the center of your chest.  I think though, it's more like a muscle, because man, has mine done some stretching over the last year.  Being pregnant was sort of a warm up if you will - and then a tiny human emerged (from a different organ, just to be clear..haha).  This tiny human, Maxwell James, has stretched my heart in so many ways over the last ten weeks.  Similar to the Grinch on Christmas Eve, I swear it grew three sizes when he arrived.  And since then it's been stretching..and stretching, and growing to accomodate each smile, coo, and milestone. 

 

In one short week, my maternity leave will be over...and while it was different than what I expected, it was also magnificent in so many ways that I wasn't expecting.  Being able to bring my little one, all swaddled like a baby burrito in bed with me in the morning for that last hour before getting up...being able to study him all day long...seeing all the expressions he goes through while sleeping in my arms...burying my nose into his neck after each bottle...figuring out what each cry means, and knowing that he needs me in a way that no one else does.  Suffice it to say that knowing our mama and Max routine will be coming to an end soon (as we have to hustle out the door in the morning and struggle to keep our routine in the evening) has me more than a little emotional and a lot hormonal.  And so, my mama heart continues to ssstttreeeetch.

And, while my heart is stretching - my tear ducts are working in overtime.

In no particular order - the things that have made me cry this week (maybe this last hour?)

-the smell of Max's swaddle blankets

-singing " you are my sunshine"

-watching the Gilmore Girls (the episode where Rory graduates from Yale)

-doing a practice run to the daycare lady's house on Tuesday

-actually going to the daycare lady's house for a couple hours today

-Rob's voice on the monitor as he puts Max to sleep last night

-sorting through clothes today that Max is now too big for

-Wedding invitations

-Missing my friends at work

-Filling out Max's daycare forms

-Rob's tone of voice as he asked me if I thought the sleeper we put Max in was too small (there is a good chance I overreacted...I know you're all surprised).

-Going through my closet and weeding out all the clothes that don't fit (turns out I'm not going to fit into those jeans from high school ever again).

 

Likely there will be more meltdowns and tears over the next week or so until I officially return to work (and then, it's acceptable to just sit in my office and rock myself in the corner, right?).  So, as I prepare to join the workforce again next week - and my mama heart prepares to loosen it's grip on Max, send some positive thoughts my way, please.  And, thank you.  Also, pass the tissues.

(love this little mug)
xO