(Night time cuddles...one of Mama's favorite things)
Recently I've been experiencing a lot of mama drama.
Max has definitely gotten to an age where he is more expressive/opinionated about things...refusing to eat certain foods, crying if he doesn't get exactly what he wants, "throwing fits" at daycare, etc.
When these things happen or he gets a less than stellar report card for the day at school...I tend to freak out. Is something wrong? Should I be doing things differently? Is this normal?
And the truth is - it probably is normal. As a teacher, I know that as children get older they push boundaries, express themselves in creative ways, and generally like to give you their two cents.
Perhaps also because of this education background I tend to view life from the perspective of a life long student - everything becomes a project, with objectives, deliverables, and a deadline. I love lists, schedules, and calendars. I love the feeling of turning in a competed project.
I think unknowingly I began to parent in a similar fashion. Max has become my project and his life a list of deliverables: learn to take a bottle, sleep through the night, self feed, walk, then run, and of course speak words. Every first had to be recorded, every decision fretted over, every skill perfected. Even our holiday outfits - perfectly coordinated.
This madness can be best exemplified in the craziness that was our weekly picture project. What idiot sets out to take a picture every week for a year? Apparently this one. And the thing is - I knew it would be insane. Oh sure - we cruised by in about months one through seven. And then, Max became less of a lumpy sack of potatoes to position, and more of a mobile, excitable baby. All I wanted was ONE picture of Max smiling like the angel he is - and it took two people, one shake toy/remote/easter egg/whatever Max wanted to look at, and 50 pictures later we had a semi decent pose. Still...we slogged through a YEAR's worth of weekly pictures.
The week after Max's birthday...I had an epiphany. The "weekly photo project" was over. And yet, no one was even there to give me a shining star, or A+.
Nope, we are still here. I'm still making breakfast every morning and dinner every night. I'm still buying diapers (albeight generic brand!) and organic whole milk (the DHA...I don't even know what it is and yet I feel compelled to buy the milk that contains it). I still have to clean the high chair, the sink, and obviously the floor. But you know what? When I realized this - it was sort of liberating.
Over the past couple weeks - I've adopted a "good enough" attitude. Perfectly positioned pictures are a thing of the past. If Max throws his sippy cup on the floor? I guess he's not thirsty. He didn't eat a vegetable at lunch? Guess I'll try at dinner. It's sheer insanity to ponder the nutritional composition of every meal. Some days I pull out the stops we eat organic steamed broccoli. But on most days, Max eats a lot of applesauce, bananas, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Learning how to turn off my inner student/perfectionist and simultaneously resisting the urge to make my parenting experience into a project that I can "pass" or "fail" is honestly, an ongoing battle. It's easy for me to get obsessed with perfect parenting (especially with pinterest around...amiright?) We all want to be the parent with the child who is potty trained at two. But for me, giving these milestones too much weight means ignoring the important task of finding the joy in parenting. In seeing Max's excitement over his new water bottle. Hearing him say new words. Having him reach out to me when I get home from work.
What I am trying to understand is that this amazing little boy is going to learn things on his own time ...my job is to marvel at his progress (instead of impeding it).
(If you made it this far...thanks for listening to my ramblings...sometimes you just need to get it all out there).
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